*Favorites*

Basically, I'm 5'2" and weigh about 105 lbs. I had medium brown hair with natural golden highlights that falls down to my shoulders, but now it's grown and is down to mid-back and dyed Auburn.  I have freckles (just enough, not too many), and deep brown eyes. I turned 21 in July, YAY!! Honestly my b-day was for shit. You know how they say that your 21st birthday is supposed to be the best - the biggest party?? Well, I had to CALL up a guy friend of mine and MAKE him take me out for a beer!!! SO, I told all the friends that I have left, if they want to still be my friend after my 22nd birthday - they better throw me a bash to remember to make up for forgetting my 21st - we'll see how that goes.  I FINALLY get my braces off in the spring of 2005, after they are off - I'm hitting the road and going wherever it takes me. I mean have u ever felt that if ur in one town for too long without being able to get out much - that all you can think about is GETTING OUT OF HERE. Well, that is how I feel right now - and when the time comes - I'm not quite sure yet where I will go, or for how long - I just know that it will be at least 50 miles from this place, its time I start a new life and go where people don't know me.

On the bad side I can be a bit of a bitch towards guys, just incredibly sarcastic and dismissive. But if u have been through what I have been through - then maybe you'll understand. In May 2004 I met the love of my life (Kevin he's 27) and we hit it off really well, the connection was amazing - so amazing I can't even explain it, but it wasn't sexual, it was emotional, physical, spiritual - our very souls connected. Things were going great we were talking about getting married and me moving in with him, which I admit was pretty fast for 1 and 1/2 months, but... I got pregnant 1 month into the relationship, things were looking good. I was happier than I had ever been in my entire life, yet I still had a hard time admiting to him - even telling him that I needed him. In all my life, I've never been able to admit to needing anyone, I've always been incredibly independant - I guess thats what screwed things up.  One afternoon after he got off work, he hung out with his ex-girlfriend ( the girlfriend before me, they were only togther for a month) - and after that things slowly started to fall apart.  I was 2 months pregnant and he decided he wanted to be with her, but that he still loved me and would always be there for me and the baby, that we'd always be friends - I knew that was a lie, but I chose to believe it anyway. All his lies of "I'll never leave you", "you'll never lose me - I promise".  3 weeks after they got back together, they got engaged (which happened by - she called him while he was out of town on work told him "we're engaged - go buy me a ring.") and 36 hours after they got engaged, I miscarried.... and I didn't even know they were engaged till the next day when I went to this bar we hang out at looking for him to tell him that I lost the baby, that girl would not even let me talk to him alone for 5 minutes (AND IT WAS NONE OF HER F***ING BUSINESS) so, I didn't end up telling him - walked out and slammed the door in his face.  All of this occured and ended in Aug of 2004, even to this day I can feel he still loves me and its hard to explain but I know he's trapped where he is and can't get out.  I'll always love him, he'll always have a place in my heart - and I don't think I can ever love someone that deeply again.  He was my soul mate, and I lost him even though I treated him better than he has ever been treated in his life. I still don't understand it... but there's nothing I can do.  Life goes on, and somehow I am managing to smile and be happy again. If I feel a connection that strong with another man, then I will give him a chance. Otherwise I don't see the point, I'm tired of games - and one night stands just aren't my thing because its still emotional and if u don't hear from them again it still breaks u.  LIVE, LOVE, AND LAUGH LIKE THERES NO TOMORROW!!